What I Am

I kinda wanna let this out....



My name is Carol and yes I do drink alcohol not beer but liquor is my vice,I do smoke(cigarettes) when I'm stressed,I am a stay at home mom,I am married(legally)and not common law,I often say Oh Fuck It alot because I am only human and with a house full of boys,you just gotta say it to stay sane,I am and always be a bitch because of home wrecking bitches.I do curse,I do think I have a very tough life even though looking from the outside in my life looks fucking fabulous,I am the only female in my household,I am a sister,I am a damn good friend who will NOT let you down,I am quiet but beware I will tear your ass a new one if need be,I am in love with the thought of love,I trust too easily,I cry alot but no in public,when I say I love you,I mean it cause I have a big heart,I am the one person you can count on when shit hits the fan,I am the person who will never spill your secrets,I am the one you least expect to steal your heart and Then make you cry,but most of all I AM ME.

What am I .... Myself :)

XOXO

Not This One

Ive been known for having some real crazy dreams some that are sooooo fucking fake that you wouldn't even believe it was a dream and some soo real that made me wake up and cry or left me in shock but the dream I had last night was just UNBELIEVABLE.I woke up and started to cry!!!All I remember was being in a town home of some sort on the second floor,walking in and finding the hubby there with a friend drinking.I was so pissed that I started washing dishes(I do that in real life,when I'm pissed I do chores)well he(hubby)said some smart ass remark and Ii blew up and started talking shit.He comes into the kitchen part of the house and now he's talking shit but I cant hear nothing that he is saying,I turn around and grab a knife that I really have here at home and he says this to me "go ahead, do it" and guess what I did??I stabbed him in the chest...he goes and say something to the friend again cant hear what he is saying and I turn around and start heading towards he door he grabs me and I jump from the second story.He follows and pins me against the fence ....this is the part I couldn't believe (my hands are even shaking right now)I continue to sab him until he falls to the floor and dies.I run to a neighbors house to call his sister,mom,and everbody number that I remember but no one and i mean no one answered.The people ask what is wrong and I tell them and as soon as I could remember there were cops everywhere and as one was about to cuff me I wake up.Holy Shit never have I had a dream like that before,never!!I love the hubby and sometimes I feel like strangling his ass but this dream was just so......I don't know!!! what the fuck why am I dreaming of this??????????I just needed to get this out cause I don't have the guts to tell it to him,which i tell him just about every weird and crazy dream I have but not this one might freak him out a bit!!!

Thank you Blogger for this one!!!!

New Look

I wanted to change the look of the blog so here it goes,hopefully this will last me longer than any others Ive used.I seem to like all that comes with it.I keep looking at it but I cant seem to find nothing wrong with it ,Im assuming that's a good thing right? That is all for now !

XOXO

Happiness

I am very tired and drunk off of Nuvo!!!! Good night,great presents and most of all happy kiddos !!!! Merry Christmas ya'll <3

Goodnight Folks

To You

Just wanna wish all my readers/followers etc..

Be safe and hope you have a great time with family and friends.

Love Always,
Carol

Phoenix

Just because I am a real nice girl,Im gonna send you over to THE PHOENIX RISING He's been such a good boy this year!!! Enjoy !!



XOXO

Friday

Friday comes with 2 things

AND
First things first..
Fuck you to the shitty weather here in Texas now all 6 of us are fucking sick!!
Fuck you to the people who decide they don't need you in their life and yet you do EVERYTHING for them.
Fuck you Lysol and Bleach you guys haven't done shit in here but gets us more sicker.
Fuck you to all and any dumb asses who are just that.
Fuck you JAWBREAKERS,I hate those suckers!!!!
Fuck you to the bitch who again this year will not let us see my step kiddos!!!
Fuck you to that bitches mother,don't be calling my husband either!!

Now go do some serious stalking people!!

Do Something

Today has been the most laziest day of my entire life yet!!! been in bed all day except for now and a little while ago when I was making some flour tortillas for the kids(they're getting better)but I cannot seem to want to do anything????????????????? I have a theory that since the kiddos have been sleeping in my room since they've been sick maybe I'm next to get sick,but the hubby said to me today"Get up,do something anything" and he hands me an envelope and to my surprise it has some cash good amount :) and he continues to tell me "here please get out of here and do something" to any other female I'm sure she would be like "ok don't have to tell me twice and go shopping" but as soon as he left I went back to bed!!!!I just don't have the energy to do NOTHING !but since I'm here typing I guess that's a good sign right,at least I'm out of bed and doing something ").Well I gotta go and start on dinner which today I feel like making some green chile enchiladas!!!yummy!
XOXOXO

So Long Brother

As I was looking at all my facebook bullshit today I realized that my brother was not my friend,so I send him a message asking if he deleted me or what not and his response SHOCKED me !!!!

Well brother you fucked it all up !!! I didn't think that this shit would happen to me and you but you know what fuck you!!! you aint the first or the last family member that has turned his/her back on me!!!!! and if you must know..I'm gonna air your dirty laundry fucker!!!

First off what I told your girl was to find someone better than your ass cause your 17 and don't work,you spend your days smoking and drinking with your soo called friends,you beat the fuck out of the girl and that right there buddy I do not and will not allow because you did it in my fucking house!!!,you know that dad is sick and getting sicker as he ages and you rather cause him harm because the person he calls to see if I know your whereabouts is ME!!!,why do you think I told you as well that you and her were not good for each other at this point in your life??? because all I want is the best for you and her! I wish I had someone telling me at 16/17 to finish school and not to be in an abusive relationship but I didn't and I had to LEARN THE HARD WAY !!!!! but if this is what you want fine,It just hurts me soo to know that I lost you and if you know me right you know that I will not forgive you for this,I was there every time that you called me to pick you up,I was there when mom was trippin,I was there to listen,I WAS THERE FOR YOU !!! and now I will not take another person hurting me for some bull shit but again its your fucking loss.

I wish you the very best in life and I will Always LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN IM MAD AND HURT!!!!!

Your Sister,
Carol

Mr.Sickness

Why must Mr.Sickness be in our home ??? I have 3 kiddos with fevers and the most ugliest cough in the history of the U.S.!!!and the baby just happens to have asthma!WTF!! leave our home you dirty little fuck!!!!I have bombed the hell out of my home with Lysol and bleach and yet nothing seems to be working!As much as my kiddos drive me crazy with all the energy they have I hate and I do mean HATE seeing them sick and just not doing nothing at all but laying all over the house being sick.Not even with all the medicine in the world are they getting any better,oh and not to mention at night...I haven't slept in 2 days!! the youngest has asthma so I'm always scared when he gets sick,just last year he was diagnosed with bronchitis and had his very first asthma attack...SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!I hope my babies get better caused momma needs some sleep!! and I don't want to see them like this anymore!!To you Mr.Sickness I will be after your ass sir!so you better stay the fuck away from here!!!

Love,
Momma

Whips & Chains

Go do some stalking!!!

Random

Today was a very productive day if I say so myself but yet I have nothing to blog about and I fucking want to blog about something.......literally nothing is popping' into this brain of mine but oh well fuck it!!! Right??? I am(was)playing Burn Out with the kiddo but decided to go and drink me some wine,since it's my "relaxing" drink!Another thing I am doing is eating the crust of of the pizza!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I don't know why but that is the only thing I eat when we get pizza..weird huh??? but that's what makes me me! :) As you can tell I have nothing to write about and that's ok,Christmas is around the corner and I still have alot of shit to bye!!!!Just thinking about it makes me wanna pour another glass!!! but I gotta make it last!!! lol!! Shopping for 4 boys is tough!I have to make sure everyone get a different gift or they will beat the crap out of each other for it,one is a Pro at PS3&Xbox(games are too much but hey some one's gotta buy it!)one wants dragon stuff..any kind of dragon stuff!! Another wants "Aligaytha" things but mostly boots!!I know weird! and the "baby"(3)wants all Handy Manny toys and that is a hard thing to find because I only get toys that don't make any noise,Yes people it will drive me crazy and I will throw the damn thing!!!!!!!Hey I guess I found a topic to blog about! Yay Me !! :) Oh and not to mention the Hubby(a house full of testosterone :(!!)but for him its kinda easy cause I look for tools I can use around the house,I'm pretty handy with power tools!Very proud to say that,I don't mind getting my hands dirty either.As for me this year all I want is that damn ball vacuum cleaner!!!!I swear I will vacuum everything and anything with that sucker!!!!!!!!

Guess that's all folks,
XOXO

Boredom

12:20 am-and I'm fucking bored out of my mind!
I cant seem to get the design of my blog right,I like it then I don't so I change it.I wonder if I'm ever gonna get it right!?!?!?for now I'm gonna leave it like it is and maybe when I look at it tomorrow I'll still like it.I also haven't done none of the weekly shit I usually did before but hell bare with me I think I'm going through a blogging crisis of some sort.I'm fucking watching Conan...that's how bored I am!!!
That is all :)

Ask Yourself

Have a dream, then learn to follow it. When it has been fulfilled look back and ask yourself, was it worth it? Was the price too great? Or has it just left you with a hole in your heart?

Damian

This one is dedicated to my "bonus" son Damian Bernal.

Happy Birthday "Son" I really wish things were different and I would of loved to have you here at home with us~!! but things are not that way and I truly hope that when you get older you come to realize that the people in this home have ALWAYS loved you and your brother very much!!!!! I wish I could call you and ask to see how you are doing but to many people on your side that is crossing the line and I'm only looking for trouble and drama,when in fact I just want to speak to y'all,I miss y'all very much and love when y'all are here! I am very PROUD to call you and your brother my SONS!!!!the kiddos here Miss y'all as well and it hurts me when they ask about y'all,or when they say "they re coming for Christmas right mommy?" it breaks my heart.I know that you "think" everything is all wrong but baby trust me when I say this to you....WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND ONE DAY YOU WILL BE HOME WITH US!!!! I hope you have lots and lots of fun on this day(Dec.6)and know that no matter what we are always with you.

Happy Birthday Damian

Love Always,
Carol & Dad

Juliet

This one is for the one and only..Julie Pulie !!!!!

Happy Birthday Juliet
So many memories with you,my partner in crime!
I love you and wish you the very best!!
Until we get our spiral staircase house...

Love Always,
Aunt Carol/(sister)

Lately

Its been a while,
Everyday that goes by seems that it just might be ok and the thing I hate the most is when I least expect it YOU..seem to be around in music,in vehicles,in certain smells,when I see a smile similar to yours.Even though it puts a big smile on my face,I know its just not right.I miss you and only I know how i can cope with this but i was only left with memories that i will never forget,I'm glad I have them.
Just needed to get that off my chest.

Anyways
I haven't blogged like I just too but DAMN I seem to be very busy now a days even with the kiddos being in school longer????? I know !!!But I guess its a good thing and I'm ok with it.I'm liking the outcome of this change!I love the way I feel when I look around and feel satisfied with what Ive done,entire family seems more happier and I couldn't ask for a better thing in life right now! I wish we were closer to certain family members but this is the reason I have always wanted to be so far away..there is noone around to throw their drama around!!!My next move will be even further but that might just take a few years ,I gotta let the kiddos grow up in one place.I miss everyone who is not here and wish we could be closer but life is a tricky thing you know!!I may be getting off topic so I will stop now before my "ADD" kicks in!!
Love to all my Blogger Friends !!!!