I Am The Highway

At times I wonder how it all came down to this moment when I sit in front of this screen and type away.I find very soothing to be able to do this,its my diary of some sort I guess.I dont do it for you and yours,I do it for me to keep my sanity in check.I know you dont  understand why I write but from the looks of it I know you read it.Im not afraid of what comes out onto this screen I write when Im happy,when Im sad and even when Im mad.I dont know maybe Im helping someone out there.?I dont really know where this post is going but Ill continue anyway.


I wonder if you remember everything as clearly as I do.I still dont understand even after 10 months that have passed...WHY??? I know Im far from perfect but why did you hurt me the way you did.In the beginning I knew where it was coming from,it was people lying to you telling you lies about me and what I supposedly had done.I have a very clean conscious I dont and didnt have anything to hide from you and I still dont.I remember every thing you said everything you did.I cant get past that.I remained loyal to you for so long and even after all the abuse started.I did think about it a few times but I couldnt.Simple as that.I was there for everyhting.Helped you build from the ground up everything you wanted to have and you still couldnt see or believe in me.I knew of your shadows that always followed but I stuck around.What did I do to get treated like shit by you?In the end though I did tell you everything and after being abused for 10 years I did do the thing you thought I always did,only difference is that it wasnt with anyone you knew.You wanna know why...every person you accused me with is and still isnt worth my time not then and never will be worth my time.I know this is probably not important but for someone like myself who sits here and thinks of everything I endured and yet I stand with my head held high speaks millions.Im not bitter because I know that at one point in my life I wanted to be with you.Unfortunately it didnt give or bring the happiness I deserve.Now I look at you and actually wish you the best with someone else.Ive closed that chapter in my life.I know what it feels like to put myself first,my happiness that I onced thought I had isnt compared to what it is now.(my Audioslave Pandora Radio is on point right now)I dont have everything I want and need but I will soon enough.I pray that Karma isnt a bitch to you.I hope one day Ill be able to understand why everything happened the way it did,but untill then Ill have my blog to express every feeling I have.I hope I do find peace at the end of this tunnel.

Karma's Friend

You know what really gets under my skin...when people make assumptions about me from what they have heard from other people.I know Im not the prettiest girl around shit I may not even come off as a smart girl at times but shit what gives you any right to talk about me to other people who dont know me?!I understand that Im not perfect because in my 26 years of life I have made some fucked up shit and yes I have learned from my mistakes because thats what people do they make mistakes and learn from them.I dont have anything that is worth someone looking at me and saying"I wish I had that" what I do have is a husband and kids,I have nothing to my name, not even a house hell not even a fucking car.What is it about my life that you find soo fucking great?I dont have a perfect marriage its far from that.Im a high school drop out,I had my first kid at the tender age of 17.I stay at home while my husband literally kills himself to provide for us.What do you dislike or better yet what or why do you find my life so interesting to keep talking about it?I am socially akward person,thats just who I am I dont allow other people to see the person I really am because I hate to be judged,I dont judge anyone!!not even when I should tahts not for me to decide or to even talk about.I dont ever let anyone or anything get to me beacause the way I see it is that if you tak that much time to concentrate to talk about me than you certainly dont have enough time to take care of your own shit and thats why the things around you dont go as planned,but this time Im pissed.I hate and I do mean hate people like that,that can one day smile to your face as if everything is okay and the next theyre barking like the bitch they truly are.WHY? I just dont get it???!!!! Really if you think that by talking bad about me makes you look any better baby girl it doesnt, because as the people you are telling these lies too are getting to know me they are noticing that the fake bitch is really you!!!!I dont have to put on a fake smile to every event I go to because I do like being out and about,I do like being seen as the awkward silent girl then the girl I heard this about and so on.Please believe that Karma is a bitch and that bitch has a good friend named Carol and that said friend can turn your life into a fucking living hell if need be.I am not afarid to get air out anything and everything I know.I can and will always be a true frind,a friend that will have your back thick or thin,a friend that you will always remember and say "Damn,I miss that girl" a friend who will always be around no matter how near or far you are.I can also be that girl who you hate,the girl who made you cry,the girl who made you question your exsistance,the girl who you wished you never lost,the girl that your scared to look at,the girl who makes your life a living hell,the girl who will spit on your name and laugh,the girl who you didnt expect to do all these things.I dont like to be that girl,I really dont but when you push my buttons to that extreme I can be that girl and I will not have any remorse for the actions that come after it.I always try my very best to keep everyone happy because I love to love if that makes any sense.Im a kind soul and I do see good in everyone but the world is full of shady people and I know I have to roll with the punches but fuck it, a girl can only do soo much.
Well thats it for my fuck you post,other than that Im having a good start of the week and weekend was beyond good.Make it a good week you guys,Love Ya!!!

From The Bottom Of My Heart

I am going to blog about the miners in Chile because I have watched this from the very beginning up until the last 33rd miner was out.I have also been crying my ass off like a little bitch even when I know that every single man is coming out the exact same way.I am an emotional wreck!I am truly AMAZED at the power one country has for it's people and the will to NEVER give up.I do not care that some of the men were cheating all that matters is that they are safe and that they are with their families.I could just imagine how much everyone was hurting,how they were wondering if they were ever gonna see their families again.I do not know what the hell I would of been doing or even thinking if that were me.!.!.!What I do know is that God will FOREVER bless those men and their family for everything that they have endured.And from the bottom of my heart my love and prayers go out to every single man and their families that have went through this!

LOVE from your AMERICAN FRIENDS.