Everything Changes

Today was one of those days that would eventually turn into a do nothing mentality but I decided that I needed to do this not for myself but for the 4 boys that I finally have with me. I got my stuff together and hit the streets hard. I accomplished everything on my to do list. The things I thoughts I wasn't going to do, I did them. I looked at your picture today and asked my self why? Why didn't it work out? Why did I even think that what we had was much stronger than any outside intruder? One thing did come to mind right away. Even though I know my road will be rocky, I know that my boys will be holding my hands as we walk this path and we will be okay. I truly miss going to sleep next to you. I miss waking up to you and walking you out the door. I miss hearing the babies ask if daddys going to work. I miss that. What I don't miss is the lying. The women around you. The late hours you would come home. The smell of alcohol on you. I am actually at peace with what's going on. My main focus is on how I can show and teach these boys how to become great men. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for out there.

Carol 8/12/13

What Hurts The Most

It hurts to know that I still love you. It hurts because I gave you everything I had. It hurts because even after me finding out about your lies, you still couldn't tell me the truth. It hurts because even after all these years 13 to be exact, I miss you when you're not around. It hurts because I have to look into my babies eyes and see the sadness they're experiencing. I gave you more than enough opportunities to save our marriage but most importantly our family. You didn't take those opportunities to fix what was wrong, you used them to continue doing your things your way. Even after all these lies,after all these women, I still love you. There is one thing that I do love more than you though... My 4 boys. I love myself as well and just enough to know that the way you were treating us was wrong. I understand now why people stay with their significant other for years after so much damage has been done. LOVE. They do it for love. I did it for love. For the love I still have for you. For the love of seeing our family together. For the love of being there for one another. For the love of watching our sons grow,laugh and play together. I did it because of Love. Though I'm extremely angry with you right now I know that it will pass. I know there will be a day that I'll be able to face you but right now I can't. I hope that one day you wake up and realize the things you did to us,the lies you said to us were wrong. I hope you don't end up alone and have all your kids hating you. I hope you don't have to live the life your dad is living but I think we both know that's exactly where you're heading. Goodbye My Love
You will always be the first man in my life. My first husband. My first ex-husband. My first everything.

Battle Hard

I had an eye opener lastnight.I can't believe I was thinking of second/third/fourth chances.Then I saw a picture of the two of you.I laughed at first then I wanted to cry and literally kept telling myself that I should not cry. First off I know that while I was at home and not going out because I still respect the word marriage,you apparently didn't give a fuck about it. What pissed me off was that you are NOT taking care of my children the way you should be. You don't get to them until 8pm, you don't know if they're hungry,if they're sad,all you do is leave to work fuck around with your co worker bitch and then go home to sleep. I have always thought our kids came first but with a new bitch taking up your time I see different. You were to bring them to me this wknd but because you're scared that they'll tell me you have a girlfriend you didn't bring them. I've always told you I'm Always two steps ahead of you on everything. I will tell you this DON'T BEAT HER FACE IN the way you did with me. I WILL give you your freedom to be with whoever you want to be with but with that freedom you want so bad I will also take no better yet RIP YOUR HEART OUT. Be ready for the fight of your life.