Just Remember

You reap what you sow. That's what they say. Karma can be a bitch. Everyday the world turns and for some it can turn out to be good for others bad. This may be your karma. You decided to spend my first born sons birthday with your mistress. I didn't even get to see him until 3 days later. This year you won't be able to spend the boys birthdays with them because they'll be with me. The only difference is that I don't have anyone who will be taking your place. It's sad that things didn't work out. You haven't grown up. You still haven't filled yourself with the temptations that the world has. I just want you to remember one thing. All these women want you because your name comes with a title. That title comes with money. What they don't know is the struggle WE had to endure while getting to the top. They weren't there to fill out every single application. They weren't there when you needed help to pass every drug test. They weren't there when you needed help completing every work order. They weren't they when you wanted and needed to pass your test to become the ac tech you are today. They weren't there waiting for you to be released from jail over and over again. They weren't there when your ex was being difficult. THEY WEREN'T THERE. I WAS. I was there for all of it. I was there when it was hard for us to even keep our utilities on. I always knew that you were worth the wait because I believed in you. I knew that no matter what life threw at us the end result would be great. Now that you have everything, it shows. That's why these women want you. They want the name and status you come with. No matter what you tell them about me, like all the times I left. The times I didn't do the things I was supposed to do. How I apparently cheated. How I lied. How I didn't clean. Just remember to tell them that because of ME  you are the man they see today. Because no matter how many other names you tattoo on your body my name will always remain above your heart because that's exactly where I belong. 12 years I gave you. And even that wasn't enough for you. I will always love you more than you'll ever know. And I truly want nothing but the best for you.

Smiling Faces

First day of school for the Ramos boys.

Truth Bomb

In Reality

So, I figured out who you are.
I don't have anything going on with your husband.
I never did and I wont.
I don't know what made you think that.
I received your voicemail and I wish there had been a number that I could have contacted you on to relieve your mind.

I knew him in middle/high school when he was friends with my brother.
It was interesting learning about my old classmates and the things that they had been up to. I've been reconnecting with them through facebook. But just as friends.

He didn't tell me he was married.
I was under the impression he was dating this girl named Mona.
He did ask me out. And I said we could hang out as friends but nothing more.
When I looked at his page, I saw that he was married.
I asked him about that. He said he wasn't. I asked why would he ask me out if he's dating someone and is married? He swore up and down that he wasn't dating anyone and that he wasn't married. I told him his fb page said he was married. He said no, you don't understand. I told him there was nothing to understand, I didn't want more than a friendship with him. When I checked his page again, it said he was in a civil union. I asked him why he would change that. He said he didn't. Those sound like lies to me.

The sitter he uses is a very good friend of mine. On Thursday, she accompanied my children and I to a dr's appt. Daniel and Josh came with us. Afterwards, we stopped at Chik-fil-A. While eating, the boys mentioned never having been to Chik-fil-A and how they liked the food. I told them they should mention it to their dad. They said they could tell their mom but maybe they wouldn't be able to come. They mentioned you two live together.

From there, I went to work. I messaged Daniel and told him that the kids told me mom was living in the house. That he shouldn't have lied about that. (I don't deal with married men. ESPECIALLY married men with children. I'm selfish. I want a relationship to be about me and MY kids. I don't want to be a step-mom. I can't date someone with kids because that's a package deal.)

Carol, from my point of view, it seems that you are dealing with a lot. I don't want to add to that. There's no reason for the unnecessary stress.

I informed Daniel that it seemed like there was a lot of work going into our FRIENDSHIP and he said that there was stuff I didn't understand. I told him there was nothing to understand. He was married and that was it.

After I blocked his number, he messaged me on fb saying he needed me to call him. I told him there was nothing to be said. He'd said what he thought was necessary. I relented and did call him. But the story didn't change. I told him there was nothing going on between us. And that there wouldn't be.

That's all there is to it. I don't want anything with your husband. Definitely not a relationship! I have aspirations and goals. Becoming involved with a married man, would definitely hinder me. I think I covered everything. IF I haven't, please message me and I'll answer anything with the best of my ability. I hope your mind is at ease.

favi.
Received August 10,2013 at 10:55 am

THE LOVELY MESSAGE I RECEIVED FROM THE 3 FEMALE(for better lack of words). I TRULY CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DENIED BEING MARRIED TO ME. THE FIRST AND SECOND WOMEN I COULD DEAL WITH AND FORGIVE YOU BUT THIS I CAN NOT. I'VE NEVER BEEN ASHAMED TO SAY TO ANYONE THAT YOU WERE MY HUSBAND. EVERY TIME I READ THIS MESSAGE IT BRINGS ME SOME SORT OF FREEDOM KNOWING THAT MY CHILDREN AND I WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. THOUGH I KNOW IT WILL BE HARD BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL WE'VE EVER KNOWN. I KNOW WE WILL BE OKAY. I AM NOT BITTER TOWARDS YOU OR YOUR ACTIONS BUT I AM HURT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. I GAVE YOU MY HEART AND YOU RIPPED IT OUT AND STOMPED ON IT. I GAVE YOU ALL MY LOVE AND YOU WANTED NONE OF IT. I SAT THERE DAY BY DAY THINKING FINALLY EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OKAY WHEN IN REALITY NOTHING HAD CHANGED.

Can't Wait

Holy mother of all this Jac Teller !!!! I am beyond excited about this. Come on September.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy0PJdweIxw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

In Need

Today is one of the days I wish you were next to me, to hear you say everything will be okay. Today I lost my uncle Agustin from Dallas. Not only has it been tough because he was a very good man to us growing up. I've seen my mom cry before but not like this. She has lost her big brother. I wanted for someone to tell me that he's in a better place now. Unfortunately this has to be one of those times when I have to be the strongest person in this house. This makes me think about how life is so damn short and anything and everything you have can be taken away from you at any time. It makes me appreciate my children a little more. It makes me say I love you a little louder. It makes me hug them a little tighter. My tears will be shed when everyone is asleep. My thoughts will be heard by the Lord.

8/14/2013

Everything Changes

Today was one of those days that would eventually turn into a do nothing mentality but I decided that I needed to do this not for myself but for the 4 boys that I finally have with me. I got my stuff together and hit the streets hard. I accomplished everything on my to do list. The things I thoughts I wasn't going to do, I did them. I looked at your picture today and asked my self why? Why didn't it work out? Why did I even think that what we had was much stronger than any outside intruder? One thing did come to mind right away. Even though I know my road will be rocky, I know that my boys will be holding my hands as we walk this path and we will be okay. I truly miss going to sleep next to you. I miss waking up to you and walking you out the door. I miss hearing the babies ask if daddys going to work. I miss that. What I don't miss is the lying. The women around you. The late hours you would come home. The smell of alcohol on you. I am actually at peace with what's going on. My main focus is on how I can show and teach these boys how to become great men. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for out there.

Carol 8/12/13

2 Options

Move On

What Hurts The Most

It hurts to know that I still love you. It hurts because I gave you everything I had. It hurts because even after me finding out about your lies, you still couldn't tell me the truth. It hurts because even after all these years 13 to be exact, I miss you when you're not around. It hurts because I have to look into my babies eyes and see the sadness they're experiencing. I gave you more than enough opportunities to save our marriage but most importantly our family. You didn't take those opportunities to fix what was wrong, you used them to continue doing your things your way. Even after all these lies,after all these women, I still love you. There is one thing that I do love more than you though... My 4 boys. I love myself as well and just enough to know that the way you were treating us was wrong. I understand now why people stay with their significant other for years after so much damage has been done. LOVE. They do it for love. I did it for love. For the love I still have for you. For the love of seeing our family together. For the love of being there for one another. For the love of watching our sons grow,laugh and play together. I did it because of Love. Though I'm extremely angry with you right now I know that it will pass. I know there will be a day that I'll be able to face you but right now I can't. I hope that one day you wake up and realize the things you did to us,the lies you said to us were wrong. I hope you don't end up alone and have all your kids hating you. I hope you don't have to live the life your dad is living but I think we both know that's exactly where you're heading. Goodbye My Love
You will always be the first man in my life. My first husband. My first ex-husband. My first everything.