Rose Colored Lenses

I love you. I really do but things will Never be the same. Not only did I live a fucking lie thinking that the man I loved so much could change his ways. I had to deal with not only one but two females while we were together and under the same roof. One Bitch didn't care that she was the other woman,she was actually proud. The other broad tried to play the I would never do that.card with me. Now I have 2 women pregnant by my husband. I feel so fucking stupid. Both pregnancies happened while we were living together. You're a real piece of work. I wish I could go back and change many things about our relationship but I can't. I now see you for what you really are. You're a fucking liar,a cheater,a woman beater and I am beyond thankful that I found this out while I was away. My feelings for you will always remain the same, after all I did spend 13 years with you and you gave me 4 amazing boys. But I no longer see through rose colored lenses. When I talk to you it's completely different now,I talk to a person I once knew. Im sorry for anytime that I made you cry. Just remember though the tears I shed were way stronger and deeper than anything that will ever come from you. 

To Life,To Love & To You

You can't always get what you want in life. You either get it to early to and don't appreciate it or you get it too late and you still don't fully understand what you have in front of you. The worst part about pain is the unexpected kind,the kind that hits you right in your heart. Can two souls that are meant to find each other really live without each other? Peace & clarity are in tune with each other right now. I have peace,you need clarity. For if the two shall meet once again I know that the force that is driven within our souls will finally reach it's destiny. As painful as it may be,it will be okay. To love someone is the greatest gift you can give but to lose that someone is a pain that will live within you forever. For I now know what must be done. I will see you again old friend. I wish you a journey full of peace,full of clarity,full of excitement but most of all I wish you the very best. A love like this comes once in a lifetime. I will forever be grateful for the blessings you have given me. I will always be there to remind you that I once was one of your greatest joys in life. I will always have the pleasure to say that man over there.... He was my husband a long time ago. I will always love you and that's something that no one can take away from me. I'll see you later baby. Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Your Beloved 1st Wife,
Carol

Lost In Love

Broken promises, missed opportunities & painful heartache is what you have given me. Love doesn't conquer all because if it did then you would still be right next to me. I leave with nothing but memories of you hurting me, lying to me and even after everything has been said and done you still didn't love me enough to tell me the truth.  Goodbye Old Friend. 

Follow Your Heart

By all means do what your heart.tells you. Yes I left "The door open for another woman to walk in." like you both like to say. What I didn't think was that you were going to disrespect the fact that you were still a married man. You disrespected the vows we made on February 27. You think you have yourself a winner.... boy she has you fooled. A real woman who ends up knowing that the man she is attracted to is still married and has small children should have enough respect for herself to know that if one day she were to be in that position she wouldn't want another woman interfering in her marriage. A real woman would say if it's meant to be we'll be together someday and I will not be the cause of a family separation. A real woman would atleast have the decency to talk with the wife and explain her side if the story. A real woman would not bash on the wives mistakes. A real woman would simply wait to see how this "love" turns out. A real woman would never ever be the other woman. You know my only therapy is writing, I do it better than speaking itself. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that no matter what happens with God and the power of prayer things can get better. I don't attend church. I don't read the Bible. I have committed a ton of sins but even I know that somethings are just plain wrong. I wanted my first marriage to be my only marriage. I didn't and still don't believe in divorce but you two have taught me that a whole different side of the human race. My heart goes with you even though my heart is probably just sitting in your junk drawer. You gave me something that I am eternally grateful for... My Children. You were my first everything. I wish you well with whatever new journey lies ahead. When it's all said and done,you'll think of me.

And Then There Was Three

You know as much time and effort I put into trashing you to the entire world wide Web I have to say damn sweetie what part of all of this don't you understand? This will Not stop. IT can if you were to respect the fact that he's married but you don't so in that case I going to keep doing this. It's my personal blog any way.

I Don't Get It

How are you okay with being the other woman? What makes you think that what you're doing is okay? You're destroying a family of 6. Not only are you allowing this cycle to be part of your daughters life in their future. My children know this is going on and those 4 kids are the ones you're hurting Mona. Im an adult and I told you via text that I can be civil all I needed was some time to work/fix my marriage. You didn't respect that wish so from that moment you decided to continue looking and contacting my husband I decided that I will show you the meaning of a cold hearted bitch. I will continue to post your photos on the Web, I will continue to let strangers know that you're a woman who keeps contacting a married man, I will continue to call you names, I will make you regret the say I came into your life. You may have fooled everyone else but not me sweetie.

Mona Lisa Hernandez 10-14

This following post is for the WHORE who keeps messaging my husband, the whore who sends a married man pictures of her daughters. This one is dedicated to you sweetie. You try to play innocent but you don't fool me.

Read & Tell

Hello out there...... You guys and gals I'm warning you that my next post will consist of the picture of the WHORE who is still fucking around with a married man who has since returned with his wife and kids. I will also include a picture of her daughters that she keeps sending to a man who is no one to these said kids. I told you from the beginning I can be civil with you but since you're not understanding what that means.. I'll show you how fucking dirty I play!!! NEVER underestimate the power behind my words. Go ahead tell him since you're making a habit of telling him everything I say to you.

Soon Enough

You know with everyone else you can play the innocent bitch but not with me.I saw it the very first time I saw your ugly face.I am the one person who can always see through bullshit it just depends if Im willing to put up with it or not.I can very well put you on blast and please believe when I say baby girl your pushing my buttons.Then I think with my stupid piece of shit kind heart that I have and say to myself"I wouldnt want my picture all over the web in a compromising pose" but then again Im not and will not ever be the OTHER WOMAN to a married man.That right there is the difference between your skank ass and my semi decent ass.Though I know exactly where this is going,Im aware that thinking that the right thing to do was trying to fix my wrongs and my family/marriage Ive come to a sudden stop because Im the only one in my partnership trying to fix it.I know that you BOTH sit and laugh at me but when you laugh to early youll only end up crying ten times worse.I still havent even came close to showing you what I can do but soon enough...soon enough.

Today 2/27

Today is one of the most difficult of days that I've yet to endure. Today is the day I got married. This is for you....
To My Husband,
If there ever comes a day when you wake up and no longer love me, please let me be the first to know this. I've loved you like I've never loved before. The first man to show me so many different things,so many memories and most importantly the man that I created children with. For I know that we are far from perfect, but our love is true. When I said I do, I said it with love knowing that I would share the rest of my life with you. Life has a funny way of testing everyone in its own way and I believe that we have passed many tests before. The test we're taking now, I didn't study for it. I dont want to fail but if by failing this test will I be prepared for the next one? I hope that the future tests I have to take involve you but I'd truly understand if they don't. I know that I've caused a lot of pain to both you and I but I'm willing to make up for it. I wish that today would just stay in place for some time but it can't. There isn't enough money in the world to buy me what I want the most. I'm sorry.
Your Wife.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

It's You

How do you accept defeat when defeat isn't really there, or is it make belief. Mind blowing questions come with life changing answers. Will I follow the voice inside even if it steers me wrong. I want to start a new phase in my life but with this phase I need You. Forgive and forget and don't regret.

Logic

Love makes you do foolish things
But in the end will I look like a fool.
Courage and passion seem alive
Yet death reeks all around.
Patience is a virtue that some have
While others have none.
How do you fix something broken
When all the pieces seem lost.
Who do you follow
Your Logic.....or your Heart
When its all said and done
Ill Always Come Back To You.

Carol

Why are you crying?What makes this any different from tears shed before?Could you or do you still want that life?What will be different?It'll still be there there when and if you go.There will always be the questioning because of the circumstances.What do you want?Is it what you want?or is it that you cant see it the way it is?Fear,pain and tears is whats happening right now.Will it be the same ten years from now?Are you crazy for even doing this?.Writing to myself cause I cant seem to find anyone else who understands.Tell me,tell him.tell her.Why is it so hard to cope when your heart doesnt break even?I dont know what Im doing.What do you miss?What do you need?What is happening to you?

Think About It

As I sit here and ask myself why I see that word means nothing to you.Soon enough though, you'll be sitting and asking yourself the same question. WHY.

Real Talk

WHY.......For as many years as I can remember I've been asking my self this same question.How much more of this am I gonna be able to take without completely breaking down.You see I grew up in a home where I had an alcoholic father and a mother who would get beat to pulp because of this said disease.I always seem to be able to remember the bad stuff I saw from my childhood,I never can remember any good and happy things going on around me.As the years went by nothing changed,everything stayed the same even when she was pregnant.I remember hiding under a table and watching as he was about to strike when I scared shitless yelled"dont hit my mom" that keep him calm for that night and that night only.Things just seemed to stay the same for a very long time.Until one day she left us at the sitters house to go find work maybe that was the only way she could get away from it all.We would stay until 7 even 8 pm then it was a quick hurry up and go to sleep.Then my brothers were born and things seemed like just maybe it was gonna be okay but it wasn't.All my life I have been surrounded by abuse.Mine started at the age of 16,till this day.I don't know what more I can take,I know I'm not perfect but FUCK!!!!!! I am human the shit you say hurt me.I stay home,I may not have the house smelling like fucking Martha Stewart but give me some credit we do have 4 boys living in this house.I want to be the perfect house wife you want me to be but I CANT. I do things the only way I know how little by little I didn't have a mom to teach all this shit.You compare me to her.. I'm always yelling and bitching but I'm not like her I sit and help my kids do their best in school,I tech them that one day I'm not gonna be there to do everything for them so they need to learn how to cook and clean even if its only using the microwave.I don't understand how being my husband you can say"I DON'T KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH YOU THAT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU" I have to ask for government assistance because if I didn't how would we eat?I have to ask your family for money when we need it.I have to pick up after yourself when you come home and leave all your stuff on the floor.I think I do it all and I still have to put a smile on my fucking face when we go out, if I don't I'm just a bitch.I want to be able to cry it all out but I cant because the kids are always around.Yeah I've made mistakes,mistakes that always come back up.I just wish I knew what to do.I bet You didn't know that I have tried to NO SUCCESS to commit suicide not 1 but 3 times.At the age of 12 I put a loaded gun to my head took the safety off closed my eyes took a deep breath and said fuck it,nothing happened WHY? At 15 I took 2 full bottles of prescription medicine hoping to never wake up and I woke up and puked everything out WHY? 16 I cut my wrist and saw and felt all the blood drain from me.I looked out the window and said "please I don't want to do this anymore" but of course I woke the fuck up!!! WHY ?????!!!!!! why am still here? why am I still being abused? why must this shit happen to me? why or what is my purpose here??? One day when I'm not around people are gonna wish that they knew all this shit,wish they could of did something to help me out instead of insulting my parenting skills,my life,my marriage.the only way thing I know how to do is block everything out and make sure that my kids see a smile on their moms face.that I tell them everything will be okay and that I love them.My only question is still the same WHY??????????? Will I ever get the answer......who knows.

FYF &FF

&


Fawk you to the Wednesday where the kids stressed me the fuck out and I had to drink a beer and have me a cigarette!!

Fawk You to you because apparently Im fucking the whole world even all my facebook friends!!

Fawk You to stress and what stress does to you!

Fawk Me cause this week I just had to fucking cry it out by myself outside cause sometimes life&marriage can be very very shitty!!!

and last but not least
Better Late than Pregnant!!!