Painful Tears

The pain you have caused me once again..... I will never forgive you for it. Your selfishness was greater than the joy our boy could have experienced. As these tears roll down my face on this Sunday afternoon which should have been the opposite, I thank you anyway for showing me your true colors. I know that my tears will one day be your tears,my pain will one day be your pain and all my feelings will one day be the exact thing that will wake you up and see all the damage you have caused.

The Hulk Says

You know what hurts the most, our incredible hulk is the one who is suffering the most. Last night (7-15) he asked me this"Mom if dad has an apartment why didn't we go live with him?Why are we at grandmas house?" So sad that I didn't even know how to respond to that. Then it happened,he started crying and proceeded to say this "Dad doesn't care about anyone". I will tell you this there will never be a day that I would ever talk bad about you to our children. That's not my style. If at any time our boys ever hold any resentment towards you it's because You hurt them. Boys need their fathers to show them how to one day become a great man. Maybe my hulk is right,maybe you don't care but its hurtful to know how a 6 year old came up with this theory. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

To Life,To Love & To You

You can't always get what you want in life. You either get it to early to and don't appreciate it or you get it too late and you still don't fully understand what you have in front of you. The worst part about pain is the unexpected kind,the kind that hits you right in your heart. Can two souls that are meant to find each other really live without each other? Peace & clarity are in tune with each other right now. I have peace,you need clarity. For if the two shall meet once again I know that the force that is driven within our souls will finally reach it's destiny. As painful as it may be,it will be okay. To love someone is the greatest gift you can give but to lose that someone is a pain that will live within you forever. For I now know what must be done. I will see you again old friend. I wish you a journey full of peace,full of clarity,full of excitement but most of all I wish you the very best. A love like this comes once in a lifetime. I will forever be grateful for the blessings you have given me. I will always be there to remind you that I once was one of your greatest joys in life. I will always have the pleasure to say that man over there.... He was my husband a long time ago. I will always love you and that's something that no one can take away from me. I'll see you later baby. Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Your Beloved 1st Wife,
Carol

Lost In Love

Broken promises, missed opportunities & painful heartache is what you have given me. Love doesn't conquer all because if it did then you would still be right next to me. I leave with nothing but memories of you hurting me, lying to me and even after everything has been said and done you still didn't love me enough to tell me the truth.  Goodbye Old Friend. 

Follow Your Heart

By all means do what your heart.tells you. Yes I left "The door open for another woman to walk in." like you both like to say. What I didn't think was that you were going to disrespect the fact that you were still a married man. You disrespected the vows we made on February 27. You think you have yourself a winner.... boy she has you fooled. A real woman who ends up knowing that the man she is attracted to is still married and has small children should have enough respect for herself to know that if one day she were to be in that position she wouldn't want another woman interfering in her marriage. A real woman would say if it's meant to be we'll be together someday and I will not be the cause of a family separation. A real woman would atleast have the decency to talk with the wife and explain her side if the story. A real woman would not bash on the wives mistakes. A real woman would simply wait to see how this "love" turns out. A real woman would never ever be the other woman. You know my only therapy is writing, I do it better than speaking itself. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that no matter what happens with God and the power of prayer things can get better. I don't attend church. I don't read the Bible. I have committed a ton of sins but even I know that somethings are just plain wrong. I wanted my first marriage to be my only marriage. I didn't and still don't believe in divorce but you two have taught me that a whole different side of the human race. My heart goes with you even though my heart is probably just sitting in your junk drawer. You gave me something that I am eternally grateful for... My Children. You were my first everything. I wish you well with whatever new journey lies ahead. When it's all said and done,you'll think of me.

My Little Big Baby

10 years ago today(7-14-2003)I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy. There is no greater love than the bond between mother and her son. I am proud to say to anyone that boy over there ...yeah I made that !!!!!! I love you baby. I wish that I was there right now to hold you,kiss you,hug you but I'm not. This time your dad chose to walk away from our family. Your dad found his place while I had to find one. I miss you dearly baby boy. I'm a complete mess today. I'll keep my faith strong because I know soon enough I will have my 4 boys together again. Happy Birthday Son.
Mama loves you.