Greener Grass

Feelings. Why must one have them? At times I think I'd be better off without them. Not only do I have the no hate gene in my body but I'm also equipped with the forgiveness factor. There's times when I wish I didn't have to always second guess my decisions. In that precise moment I enjoy what I do and then the guilt trip comes. There I go sitting in silence just over thinking shit. I hate the fact that I always follow through with whatever my heart desires. I miss,I love and most importantly I actually care. That's something that I wish was different. I wish I could turn my back on those who have turned their back to me but I don't because I wouldn't want them to get hurt.

To Be Continued

Crazy

All I can say is.....
I'm fucking with crazy, and crazy is something I'm enjoying.

You Wanna Be My Friend....

I have the biggest smile on my face right now !!!!!! I know for a fact that some people come into your life for different reasons. Some stay a long time. Some stay for a little bit. Some do good and some do bad. I'd like to think of myself as one of those that come into your life to stay and make you feel like together we could do anything. Today I received a friend request from a little boy who I hold very close to my heart. I am nothing to this child. I am not his mother. I am not his aunt. I am nothing to him but a woman who shared many years with his father and yet he requested me!(Facebook)It makes me feel extremely happy with what I have done in my lifetime. To make a difference in someone elses child. I had the privilege to see him in diapers still drinking from a bottle. To see him grow through out the years, not as much as I'd like too but just enough memories that hold special feelings within my heart. I was one of those step moms that understood that these kiddos(2 extra boys) were in my partners life before I came in it. Children are innocent. They should NEVER be held accountable for their parents mistakes. I was and am woman enough to accept and be willing to open up My heart to children that I didn't have. I was woman enough to say, yes they are my kids when being asked Are they all yours? I was woman enough to take the heartache of when my bonus babies weren't allowed to visit. I was woman enough, and because of my actions I still have 1out of 2 of my bonus babies. There aren't enough words to write down on how happy I am. I know I am nothing but the mom of your half brothers but I know you know that I love you guys as if you were mine.

It's Been A While

I found myself dreaming of you. I have to say that is has been a while since it happened last. I once again saw the face that at one point gave me peace.

I don't recall the place we were at but you were there with her. I walked by and you followed me into the bathroom. It was as if nothing had changed at all. The typical questions: how are you? How are the parents? Things of that sort. Then your girl walked in and asked you what were you doing. Funny thing is that you said I'm fixing this light. She walks out brings with her an older lady that I do not know. She says something that I could not hear, turns around and walks away. As she does this you follow but before you leave you kiss me and say "It's always been you." End of dream. I wake at 4:17am and I no longer am able to sleep. It leaves me thinking of you, again it's been awhile. With only the memories and dreams to remember you by. Until we meet again.