For You I Will

I hope that one day you find this, and that youll know exactly of what it is that I want.

I can no longer keep going without you.I miss you every day.I need you more than youll ever know.What I want is to be able to see you when I wake up,to see you when Im about to go to sleep,to see you throughout the day,to hear your voices,to be able to kiss you, to be able to hold you.I dont have any of that.It brings me nothing but pain to be here without you.Theres nothing more in this world that I want than to be with you.The 1st and ONLY mistake Ive ever done was leave you behind.I feel lost,I feel so alone.Im sorry if you think of this as me being selfish but its not,Im not.I want to get back to you so desperately but Im afraid.Im afraid that if I return I wont make it out alive.Im afraid of the pain that I know Ill receive,afraid of of being hurt in front of you.I really have been thinking of going back...Im tired.I want to be with you.I miss hearing your laugh,I miss eveything.I wish I wasnt so far away.All I really have is some fucking photographs that I look at constantly.I hope that what Im doing is the right thing.Im always second guessing my choices but if I would of stayed I know that I wouldnt be alive right now.I chose to run away from the abuse,the hurt,the pain.I just needed out.One day I will tell you everything from the very beginning and I wont stop until I get to the day that my life flash before my eyes.Please forgive me if at any time that Im gone you cry for me,forgive me for not being there to talk too like we used to,forgive for missing important dates,forgive me for missing out on milestones.Please forgive me.You are the most important thing in my life.You are the reason I live for. You are the reason why I must wake up every morning.As these tears fall I hope your able to understand why I must write.I know that one day I will have you but it seems to be taking forever.

I love you,I miss you,I want you,I need you.
For you I will do whatever it takes.

A Letter To My Boys.
Daniel,Joshua,Phillip & Otis.