Saturday, August 11, 2012
Pain & Pleasure
I hope no better yet I know you'll read this.I need and want yall to know this. Everything that Ive done in my life hasnt had any meaning until I became a mother,a mother to not only 1 but 4 boys who I would give up my life for.You have no fucking idea how I feel and if you really knew me you'd know that as every day passes me by Im slowly falling apart.If I left them I left them because as a father to my children I have NO complaints what so ever,if he was good at anything in his fucked up life it was being a father.If I dont have themwith me at this very second its because Im building up what Ive lost for so many years.I want and I know I will have them with me even if that means making sure that none of yall see them.(Hurry print this out and hand it to the lawyer)I hope my pain brings you pleasure.I do though want to ask you something,Did you ever see me when my entire face was bruised and I had a black eye for about a month and a half?Did you ever notice the scars I carry with me everyday?Did you ever help me clean up my own blood? Did you ever help me walk when I couldnt because 2 10 lbs weight were thrown at me? Did you ever help me rub my back when it was full of bruises? Did you ever notice why I ALWAYS wore shirts that were 2 sizes too big for me? Did you know that it started when I was 16 years old and under your roof? Did you ever hear me cry out for help?Did you fucking ever wonder why?I always ask my self why,why is he doing this,why is he hurting me,why is so controlling. I still dont have an answer.There are days that the only things I can think about is all the fucking memories of pain he instilled in me.How does a man do this to someone who was BEYOND LOYAL to him? I stood next to him when he had nothing,when he had to steal,when he had to deal drugs,when he couldnt even put food on our table to eat and even after all that he still put his hands on me.I didnt deserve any of it.No one ever does. If and when you read this I know that now the things that YOU think Ive suffered are more than what you can handle.This is just some MINOR details that I bring up,you havent had the full story yet.I afraid of what youll think of both him and I if you really knew the entire story.So much pain is inside of me and theres not enough time for me to be able to fully tell my story.I miss those boys very much,you have no idea.I will tell you this though even after all this pain my pleasure will come when I have all 4 of them in my arms again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No one deserves that! No matter what I think no different of you or anything you have to do to put food on your table. I'm here if you need me and I'll send you my number via twitter to text. keep your head up Momma
ReplyDeleteif you ever read my blogg carol that is what I said, I know you left the kids with him cause you knew he was and is a good father. Your right we never saw you that way just like no one ever saw me the same way. I always told you that You had balls to do what you did cause I haven't. So before you think that anyone is talking or thinking wrong you, your wrong. Read my blogg and you will see that I know that you left them for a reason read it all before you think wrong. If my brother is telling you something else it's not true.
ReplyDeleteDon't listn to rumors or lies. I have been telling you to stick to your plan and I will always tell you that. One day Carol you will have your kids with you again and you will be the happiest mom again. I know that you love your kids, what mother don't??? We carry them in us for nine months we have all the pain and sickness. there is no lawyer so I don't know where you get that from. look your worth more one day you will find that person that treats you like a queen. I don't know why you cut me out of your life maybe it was because I am the sister of that man that did that to you, I don't know and thats fine. I don't know where or why you might think that this a pleasure for us. I see your kids not all the time cause its still hard to see me brother.but trust me when I say this there is no pleasuer in watching them cry for you. They miss you just like you miss them like crazy. I had no idea that he did all of this to you. Your right I didn't know, You had told me tons of times that he was very jealous and that we shouldn't bring up some of our friends over or even say there names. When he made up that lie and said lalo said something about his brother I went up there. Not because I wanted to fix it but because I wanted to see if you were ok and to ask my brother why he lied... I really never asked why you had on huge t-shirts because I thought you were just having one of thoes days were you just wanted to dress down. I'm sorry for everything my brother did to you I really am. If could take all that pain away I would If I could make it all go away I would. There is not a day that goes by that I don't pray for you. Juliet has heard me tell my brother just forget about you and I tell him also that I hope you never come back. I would never want you to back to this. Juliet is the only one that knows and sees me cry. I'm sorry Carol really I am I wish it was me and not you. take care, stick to your plan and have fun. You will have your kids again.
ReplyDelete